walls and thorns / creepy letter to my unborn children

and to swim in the maze of your consciousness
to search the cracks in your unconscious
to erase the lines you dont dare to cross
to build bridges
to realize your ideals
to feel your pain
to see your visions

and to swim in the depths of your soul
to touch you heart
to touch your core
to escape your fears
to breathe courage
to live bravery
to slave honour

and to make you better than the best of me
to give you better than i want for myself
to break down my walls and cut down my thorns
so they cant exist in your world because you dont see them in mine
to crack down the walls and invite the light
to cut down the thorns so fear can take flight
but still your life isnt my fight
as if that would mean i wouldnt try
if my best would get you your perfect
i would make that my life's work

Choke hold

he got me in a choke hold
.

my self esteem affects my self perception
coz every time i stare in the mirror im scared of my reflection
.

and im scared that you got more needs
than i could ever meet
.

i can give you so much love your heart will take flight
but i dont wanna hold you back from other pleasures in life
.

and i wanna know
if i was a cat id be dead for sho

Insecurity - Sekou the misfit

david foster wallace

Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship--be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles--is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.




Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.



They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.



And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the centre of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving.... The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day