Ode to all the people i killed

O that once again, maybe someday

In the sweet folds of time

I may come to forget your face

And that tortured look in your eyes

You were without question

A threat to my sanity

Inspired in me emotional congestion

An insult to my vanity

So i belittled your intentions

In the name of self-protection

Suspected you of evil motivations

Even without all the right information

And in my haste

I rushed to check mate

Everything around me

Shadows of all the people ive killed

Ghosts

All the things you left behind

Lost

In shame i run and hide

Unassuming you came under fire

Of my misdirected ire

You didn't deserve it

I was projecting

Im not brave enough to visit your grave

Eloquent enough to plead my case

But im torn enough to crave release

So im taking all the blame

You are dead to me now

Maybe its for the best

Im such a fool i want to scream and shout

Because you were the best

To all the people i killed

It was my insecurities you were billed

For whatever price you had you pay

Im taking back all the blame

...so help me God. PLEASE God help me!!! ...

...like in my dream.

In my dream you were faceless

and every time i reached out

i felt your hands envelope mine

In my dream i was senseless

and every time i sighed

i took in more of you

and let out more of me

In my dream i was smiling

and it hurt

like needles of joy

and i liked it

In my dream i was running

there was no finish line

not from anything

just trying to leave myself behind

In my dream you were everything

i smiled and i wished you were there

i got angry and i wished to kill you

your name a side note to my every thought

In my dream there was SOMEthing

something stuck to me 

and i wasn't scared

you stuck with me

because you cared

We were holding hands and

finishing each other's sentences

and loving with such passion it stopped the time on all Rolexes

giving with reckless abandon because we believe in our cause like terrorists

and during dry season content to feed on nothing but our memories.

I want a love...

...so help me God...